As A Girl

In Everyday, Life, Personal, Rant on April 10, 2011 by lexie-chan Tagged: , ,

I always tell myself that I’ll try to change. Change my wardrobe, change the way I carry myself, try to fix up myself more often… Stuff like that.

And at the age of 24, I never did anything to do so, really. I’m always just plain and boring looking. I like to just stay at home and do my own geeky stuff like watch anime, read manga, draw, write, read. HAHA! Wear loose clothes and ugly slippers.

That was basically the usual Lexie-chan mix. And then I got to know all these freakin’ pretty people! Like BoA, SNSD, Misako Renbutsu, Baifern Pimchanok, etc..

And I don’t know, I just want to be pretty, too. Pretty and slim. Like the world’s epitome of true beauty. Stupid standards!

But really, I wanna be pretty. I don’t know how the hell I am gonna be able to pull that off but I know I need to start by investing more on myself and not on my ever growing collections instead… HAHA!

Seriously!!!!! I will try and be more into shopping and learning tricks to be pretty. I won’t be lazy putting on my face whenever I go out, even if it’s just going out to buy something in the store. Really! I’ll try to change!!!! SERIOUSLY! I can’t just go somewhere outside the confines of home looking like shit. And during those times (like me wearing PJ’s or a grandma sweatshirt, unmatching clothes), are the times I see people I know. Like really? They needed to be where I am at the same exact moment when I look like a total rubbish? HAHA! The irony…

But, I can’t do it right, the quest to change identity. After I pay most of my debt, maybe I’ll start buying nice clothes, shoes, make-up, accessories, beauty products and the like… I’ll also rid myself with the notion of me, being the ugly one in the family. destroy my horrible insecurities.

I mean, I agree I don’t have the face value like my sister or my cousins, nor the nice body or height my other family members showcase but I mean, with the right tools, I know I can do something about that and improve in the long run.

SERIOUSLY, I won’t be this confident if I haven’t seen “First Love: Crazy Little Thing Called Love” movie. I guess I was just so amazed by ones transformations. That maybe, an ugly duckling can really be a swan. HAHA! I know it’s just a movie. It’s not that easy when you adapt it into a reality but hey! I may not be pretty but I don’t think I am that ugly (?). HAHA!

Omigod! I am so affected by this movie! How many days have already passed and I still can’t move on! LOLOLOL!

What’s the point of this entry again? I confused myself… Oh yeah! Just the fact that… Ang sarap siguro maging maganda at seksi. Kasi kapag maganda ka, people immediately do as you wish. You are loved without second thoughts. It’s all about face value.

But then again, do I really aim for that?

Nah…. Maybe not really as much as I hoped I would. Because honestly, I love my own otaku weirdness above anything else. Still, doesn’t hurt to be a pretty otaku. And being an otaku is something I can never ever deny myself. Otaku forevaaaaaaah! HAHA! Oh well, towel.


– – –

Fast Fact: When I had the horrible apple cut hairstyle in fifth grade, I was so devastated that I spent the whole day crying and releasing my frustrations by banging the walls of my room. The pain wasn’t enough to cover my outbursts. Ugh, I hated my hair so much that going to school had become such a drag. After that, I never had the same short haircut ever again!

2 Responses to “As A Girl”

  1. I totally relate to your post! I’m always making plans to reinvent myself and then I just end up in sweats at home writing or drawing…
    It’s probably not healthy and people tell me to just be myself, but I believe there’s no harm in trying to better who you are.

    • Oh wow! That’s my usual self, too! Te-hee! That’s true, it doesn’t mean that because you want to improve yourself, you’re already forgetting about your true self.

      Good luck for the both of us!

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