Drama Mode

In Life, Personal, Rant on May 10, 2011 by lexie-chan Tagged: , ,

And so a while ago, we sent April off.

It was harder to say goodbye than I have expected. When it comes to family, it’s really hard for me to generate any kind emotions. I am mostly just as indifferent as any other stoic person out there, but seriously inside, I don’t know how to handle the depression that will dawn on me when she leaves.

It was like taking the source of my strength, support, bond and family…

When she was here, it was as if I have regained a missing part of me. It’s the comfort of having a real family. I won’t say that we are that close coz really, it was only recently that we got to talk about issues that both of us are emotionally involved in. But around her, I am willing to just cave in to my vulnerable self. That for once, I can release all this pent up feelings to someone that can completely understand and accept however ugly the truth is.

That feeling that you are not alone.

It was that blissful moment that I abused while she was here. So selfish, but a salvation for my own pathetic self nonetheless.

But now, that one month of sharing this burden with someone, ended. As I was sending her off, as I saw her enter the gates towards her flight, I was seriously forcing myself not to cry. To not break that strong hold. Keep that fake facade. It’s a different kind of sadness, the sadness of being left behind. It’s so painful…

I got so spoiled that come tomorrow, I don’t know how I should face another difficult day. I’ll drag life as I used to. And again, I’ll feel so at lost. Not belonging anywhere and feeling completely alone.

It sucks. This life sucks.

– – –

Fast Fact: If it’s not yet obvious, yes, I have a very unstable emotions. I am emotional. But rarely do I let that vulnerable side of me resurface around people. HAHA! I rather let them see me as a happy-go-lucky kind of girl than expose this ugly facet about myself. HAHA! That would be degrading šŸ˜

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