Unnecessary Guilt

In Life, Personal, Rant on October 22, 2012 by lexie-chan Tagged: , , , ,

Ugh, I feel so bad.. Although I’ve thought of setting my distance between myself and Brian, circumstances just happened and took care of everything. That’s why, even if it was premeditated, I can’t help but feel so guilty.

I don’t know why but it seemed like I’ve been more busy than usual. Is it because of poor management? Although I don’t slack (I mean, I don’t even go out and meet my friends anymore!), I noticed that it’s taking me longer to finish my projects. Aside from having a gazillion homework each time we go home, the level of difficulty have been increasing rapidly, too! It’s getting harder and harder for me to keep up!!! (I refuse to finish any of my work so sloppily). Oh gawd, sometimes I wonder what I got myself into.. But after everything, I can’t help but be so proud of all the things I’ve accomplished…

ANYWAY, so I’ve been busy with school that it forced me to interact with Brian less often than usual. I think he’s starting to feel that there’s something wrong. I admit there’s something brewing but it’s not supposed to escalate like this. I didn’t want to really end our friendship (nor to step it up just to be clear). I’ve already told him not to expect anything.

Still, I feel bad because he’s nice and all yet I can’t get myself to think of him anymore than a mere friend. To be honest, I’ve considered him as a potential boyfriend before. I even blogged about him. But as I got to know more about him, there’s just some stuff that I think I cannot tolerate or find too appealing. That previous ‘consideration‘ ended up being a lost cause.

Neither of us is at fault but things happened.

Actually, ‘someone‘ happened that’s why I’m even more guilty than I should be. I’m not even committed so feeling this way is preposterous still, I’m not comfortable with this set up.

Oh gawd.. Why is it so fucking hard to find a boyfriend anyway?! Like seriously??? What did I do in my previous life for me to go through all these shizzz… It’s shallow but in my age, I can’t afford so much delays.. Haha!

Oh well, towel.

– – –

Fast Fact:

I like holding hands.

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