Articles

Rivalry

In Fandom, Music on April 6, 2013 by lexie-chan Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

rivalry

He wouldn’t forget those tension filled days. Those days when he tried so hard to compete with him in every little aspect just to get all the attention for himself. He wouldn’t say it out loud but even if they’re under the same label, the same team, friendson top of all that — Jaejoong considered Yunho his ultimate rival.

The two met in good terms and built a rather friendly relationship in the beginning of their career so he’s not sure how everything ended up that way. If it was a building grudge against him from a long time ago, or if it just suddenly happened out of nowhere, then so be it.

It’s just that, when it comes to her, he would forget all logic. All that ever mattered was BoA and nothing else would make sense. And who cares about those other stuff anyway?

Of course they haven’t reached that point where he could confidently say that they were exclusively dating. But compared to casual friends, They do go out pretty often and he’d say, that’s the direction where everything’s headed to.

Not to mention, they almost kissed once.

If it wasn’t for Yunho, completely thwarting that moment, then everything would have progressed the way he had wanted. He was sure of it. Maybe he’ll try again next time.

Not when BoA’s drunk.

Not when Yunho’s around.

Not when he’s obviously cheating himself.

 

There were also those times where BoA would call him randomly from the US to tell him  everything that happened to her that day. How she got a new haircut, about her new favorite nail art, how spicy her food was at dinner and those little stuff that although wouldn’t matter to anybody else, would be some of his precious memories of her.

Yunho would always linger around during those moments, complaining how BoA can possibly be so insensitive, telling all those girly stuff to his friend as if they’re important matters to be discussed. Yunho complained all the time but he noticed how their group leader would still stick around and occasionally smile at some of the tidbits he gets from his talk with her.

It bothered him…

 

Once in a while, if they’re lucky, BoA would even visit their dorm. She’s perhaps the only girl that could go barge in and out of their home without much thought or warning about her arrival. She would be seen seated on her favorite couch, her legs up on the table as she flips the channel to her favorite drama program she knew would annoy them — Yunho — most especially. True enough the other boys (except him because he will never be annoyed with her), would be irritated by her (since they would much rather watch the sports channel than some girly shows) but powerless to do anything to stop her in the end (because admittedly, they’re too scared of this little giant).

Yet, Yunho would suddenly stand up and start scolding her about her uncontrolled obsession with dramas, and that she should stop, and then they’ll just end up fighting over it like little kids. Their fights would start by Yunho grabbing the remote from her hand, and then they would be sprawled all over the floor in a blink of an eye, wrestling like they’re not two of the most celebrated artists in Asia.

Soon, BoA would scream at him, cursing that he go bald through gritted teeth, as Yunho would then start attacking her height problems and before they know it, World War III already happened.

Jaejoong would try and join the fun but soon enough, everything would end abruptly and he would wonder why things wrap up that way. As if he was detached from that moment, unwelcome in their little world. Nothing hurts more than that thought in his mind.

 

Having alone times with her would be the most blissful moment for him however, and there were times like that here and there.

It was such a blessing that while he’s promoting Bolero in Japan together with his group, BoA was also in Japan to work on her upcoming single.* That’s why they arranged a day where they can both meet up before she goes back to the US again.

Like in the past, they’ll kill a bottle or two of their favorite wine and still be sober enough to laugh at the silliest of things, as they abandon all physical and emotional stress they have at the deepest pit of their hearts. They’ll also have quiet moments and Jaejoong will take that opportunity to peer into her eyes, just looking into her soul. This will always make BoA uncomfortable and she’ll find ways to bring back a more friendly air around them.

Always.

 

 

“BoA, I love you.”

The words just spilled out of his mouth and for the first time, he didn’t regret it. He wouldn’t admit it himself but he truly felt threatened that if he didn’t say anything soon, Yunho would be sure to take her away from him forever. And the fact that he didn’t have much time left scared him the most. Time would surely rob him of his happiness and he didn’t want that to happen without even trying.

The woman across him suddenly sat very still, gripping the neck of her wine glass tight. She tilted her head a little bit to look at his direction. She had the most lonely eyes. He honestly didn’t want to look at them but at the same time, he was already so captivated. She bit her lip and broke the stare. She poured herself some more wine and drank it in one gulp.

An agonizing silence spread between the two of them once again.

And then he noticed those little details. How her eyes fluttered as she looked at him. The small fidget that her slender hands made. Even the subtle quivering of her lips. All those small details in fleeting — a sign of an impending heartbreak…

“But Yunho…” she said and then stopped. Her voiced trailed off, leaving so much lost thoughts between them. He was afraid to hear the next words. To hear her say that she doesn’t love him and that she loves another man. How horrible would that reality feels like. Not just because she cannot return his feelings but because even in this silence and unspoken truths, he knew full well that her heart already has its keeper.

That there was no rivalry between them since the very beginning. It was just a useless comforting word for him to hide the fact that he was never a match when it comes to Yunho. Because no matter how hard he tried to capture her heart, he can never amount to anything but just her mere friend in the end.

He glanced her way and the distant look in her eyes only made it difficult for him to endure the pain.

“Why can’t it be me..?” his voice cracked, hands cold and trembling. “Why can’t you ever love me..?”

Her eyes widened in shock and then she sighed in exasperation. She wondered how she would be able to answer him.

Indeed, why not him?

He’s equally as beautiful, kind, warm and passionate. Everything that is Yunho, he can find in Jaejoong.

 

Still, it’s not the same.  

She knew it wouldn’t be the same.

 

The weight of his words pulled her down. She didn’t wish to hurt him.

No.

She would never.

But would lying be any better, then?

She remained quiet.

BoA took a quick look at him and saw his empty eyes. It glistened under the faint light and it broke her spirit just to watch him crumble in defeat all because of her. She’s the evil woman causing all this because her bestfriend chose to love her.

She touched his shoulder and her warmth spread throughout his body. This was it. This was the end.

‘Then I guess this is really goodbye, BoA.’

 

 

After a few more months, she would realize why he said those words so suddenly despite knowing how her heart beats only for  Yunho. BoA clearly saw the line between her and Jaejoong and every time he would try to cross it, she would choose to take two steps back. She would do anything to protect that friendship.

Even if it means she would have to hurt him.

Such a selfish heart.

It crippled her knowing how evil she was to her bestfriend. She can’t return his feelings nor can she give him kindness.

Nobody would have expected though that after the confession, he would begin to drift away. That the reason why he chose to confront his feelings was for his heart to find the answer to all of its questions. To find the courage for him to face a difficult decision.

If BoA told him she loved him, even if in lies, he would’ve believed her and stayed. But she didn’t. For even in a distorted fragment of her being, she could never betray her true feelings.

 

And then four years have passed like a blur. He would still remember the tension filled days as he competed for BoA’s attention. How he truly loved her — even now.

But he was the one who wasn’t strong enough to fight for it and left. And so, as he saw her with Yunho, with her smile that reached her eyes, he couldn’t help but be sincerely happy for them.

He saw her reach for Yunho’s hand. Yunho gripped it tight in return as he gave her the most heartfelt smile. He caressed her hair with his free hand and Jaejoong could just picture how BoA blushed under the man’s touch.

He hid behind the shadows, watching the beautiful couple in front of him as they celebrated Christmas in silence. The simple celebration was enough to see just how much the two love each other. How they perfectly fit each other’s missing piece. Their eyes danced, as the twinkling stars shined on then.

Amidst the cold, their smile was enough to warm their hearts.

And then he kissed her.

Jaejoong smiled in utmost understanding and acceptance, turning around to leave the two with their magical moment.

He was content because he may not be the one beside her now, but at least for the one who have stayed, Yunho was able to give BoA true happiness.

Her fragile happiness that has already become his own.

END.

 

– – –

* Bolero/Kiss the Baby Sky/Wasurenaide was released on January 2009. Around the same time, on Feb 18,2009, BoA released Eien/Universe/Believe in Love.

 

Okay, I think I needed to state the most obvious timeline I used for this particular fic (although you should be used to it by now) to not confuse you as this fic confuses me

Why?

Iuno. This story just feels so different from my other fics I’ve written. Of course I wrote this just the way I write any of my stories but whenever I read it, I feel strange. Apart from the fact I haven’t done the accompanying poster for this, I also couldn’t upload this story sooner because of my reservations (I’ve been tweaking this for almost 2 weeks now!). I hope it doesn’t seem too off, though?

Iuno.

Anyway, for the sake of this particular story, let’s suppose that in between those dates I’ve cited earlier, Jaejoong and BoA managed to meet up for a drink where the confession part of this story happened.

There. Thank you very much for reading~

– – –

image and story (c) lexie-chan || eyes2blues

– – –

100 Themes Challenge Writing Prompts: Rivalry

 

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