Never Again

In Fandom, Music on May 2, 2013 by lexie-chan Tagged: , , , , , , , ,


//Year 2001

BoA sat at the very corner of the practice room, playing with the ends of her baggy shirt. Sweat was still trickling down her temples but she didn’t bother wiping it away. She instead, concentrated looking at her feet as if waiting to grow another pair. Her mind and attention was already someplace else that when he brushed her hair away from her face, it was only when she realized she had company.

“Usually, this is the time for you to practice your rapping for Dana’s music video, so I think you should go and do your work already. You can leave me alone now.”

BoA squinted her eyes on him, obviously finding a way to bully her unexpected companion. He may be older (only for a few months but he still acts like a doting oppa, which she hated so much) than her but she debuted ahead of him, giving her a bit of an upper hand to act like a self-important senior whenever dealing with him and his inflated ego. (Okay, he’s not really an egotistical maniac like she always calls him but that doesn’t erase the fact that his mere presence was annoying)

“And weren’t you supposed to be practicing for your new song?” He countered, a smirk on his face.

BoA glared at him in annoyance. How he always beats her in the argument she herself started, definitely made her blood boil. And to do it at this very moment, only escalated her already heightened emotions.

“Leave me alone Yunho!” She snapped in an attempt to send him away as quickly as possible, wishing that she can claim back her solitude.

“Nope, don’t want. It’s not like you’re using this room anyway,” he hummed, standing up from his place. He walked towards the mirrors and started stretching. He took a quick look at BoA’s reflection and he was almost satisfied by how pissed she looked to him. Poor BoA, completely unaware by his watchful eyes who likes nothing but to torture her, every chance he gets.

Sighing, BoA finally stood up and walked towards him in an abraded fashion. She had a huge fake smile on her face coupled with a murderous intent, clearly showing in her eyes.

“Yunho… Oppa… I am going to use this room,” she hissed with an evident dissatisfaction, also not forgetting to stress the word ‘oppa’ to indicate just how much she wanted to strangle him instead (and as if she needed more older brothers in the first place. Just having two was already a torture). BoA also took particular care and made sure that her words came out as a statement than a favor. She was not going to back down when it came to him.

“Ah sure, if you can win an easy bet with me.”

BoA raised her eyebrow, contemplating whether to take on the challenge when she realized that she shouldn’t be the one playing with his silly games. She remembered that she had a little advantage in this argument for debuting before him.

She’s his senior.

When Yunho was almost sure she wasn’t taking the bait, he did a different approach. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s not my problem if you’re not confident enough about yourself. I’ll just go somewhere to practice…”

The words stung.

Wasn’t it because of her lack of confidence the reason behind her slump? Why she’s wallowing in her own misery just before Yunho came into the practice room?

The way Yunho pointed it out so easily,despite her pretending to be a haughty little kid, bothered her. He wasn’t supposed to know.

“Fine. Let’s do it.”

Yunho tried to suppress a smile. She gave in too soon.

“It’s pretty easy. You just have to remain like that in place for one whole minute. If you win, I’ll do absolutely anything you ask of me. You can even have me as your slave.” he explained under one breath. “But if you lose–”

BoA scoffed, cutting his speech, either because of the simplicity of his rules or to the fact that she’s actually putting up to this silly game.

It didn’t matter.

Yunho cleared his throat. “Okay… So, I guess you’re ready?”

“I’ve been waiting for this since forever,” she answered in a brash.

Yunho wasted no time and stood directly in front of her. She figured they were starting when he did that, so she stood defiantly, making eye contact to prove him that she’s going to be the winner of this bet.

That’s when she saw his eyes. She couldn’t explain it but his eyes looked thoughtful. Like it ached for her. She became confused at the sudden dawning realization. And then he lifted his hand to touch her cheek. The slightest contact sent bolts of electricity in every inch of her skin. There was a ringing sound in her ear and her initial reaction was to stop the disturbance.

It hasn’t been another 20 seconds when she took a step back pushing her hands against his broad chest.

“You lose!” He yelled, pleased about the turn of events. And then BoA wondered if what she saw pass between his eyes were fake concerns.

It couldn’t be.

Her heart wouldn’t be hammering this violently if she didn’t feel his sincerity, would it?

“You cheated!” BoA screamed at him.

“I did not.”

“But you did…” BoA tried to explain making several hand gestures to mimic the moment, “…that!” She could feel her face turning bright red. It’s making her even more flustered.

“And so..? It’s not like it’s against the rules.”

BoA automatically shut her mouth, in utter shock, hearing his counterargument. Technically, they only agreed not to move from their spot. Whatever look or hand gestures they try to execute within that confined space, wasn’t part of the rule and admittedly, she did lose the bet. She was infuriated not because of him, but because of her own carelessness.

“Whatever. Just tell me what you want so we can move on with our lives quickly,” she pouted, shooting her hands inside her pocket out of frustration.

Yunho walked towards her and leaned closer so their face were only inches apart. The ringing sound was back and she could feel herself panicking.

And then Yunho poked the sides of her cheeks.

“What the–”

“Smile a little more,” he said.


“Smile a little more,” he repeated. His face was serious though, as if he was prepared to force his request on her if she started protesting. BoA held his gaze in return, just waiting for further instructions that made more sense. She may be the loser of this unfair game but she’s not the type to turn back on her words.

“Please, just tell me–”

The weight of his hands on her shoulders silenced her. “I just want you to smile. For you to gain back your old self…” He said softly, his lips barely moving. “I know it’s a scary place for a young girl like you, to start anew in a different country, but don’t ever doubt yourself that you can do it.”

Yunho’s soothing voice soon calmed her heart. That despite everything she said earlier, Yunho’s still the one able to comfort her even before she asked for it. BoA’s face looked serene and melancholic, recalling all those times Yunho saved her from her sadness.

“Aigoo! Didn’t I just tell you to smile as your punishment for losing the game?!”

Finally, a smile was already tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Arg! You and your weird logic!” She snapped but Yunho knew well enough that he did a good job bringing her old spirit back.

“Ha! And I’ll even shave my head if you flop your Japanese debut! Just you watch..!”


Yunho never shaved his head obviously.

//Year 2004

One day, BoA was feeling morose by herself, worried about the success of her Japanese debut and then next thing she knows, she’s one of the most celebrated soloist in Japan, who was able to release three consecutive Japanese albums under her name (to which have sold millions of copies upon it’s release).

She wouldn’t even dare dream about it but it happened. BoA even held several arena tours in a foreign land all by herself at such a tender age. Nobody would have predicted it, even the stars that drew her fate.

Hearing people scream her name… Feeling the unparalleled love she gets from her fans… The amount of blessings she felt she didn’t deserve… A proof by just how far she’ve come.

Although she was truly happy about the unexpected success, BoA couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad when she realized she’s gaining all this recognition but with no one to immediately share it with. That sometimes, fame wasn’t the only important thing to live by like what she thought it should be the day she decided to take on this path.

There was a short episode of depression that followed and she didn’t know how to get rid of it. She tried going out with friends but it wasn’t helping her at all until one night, she sat motionless on her bedroom chair by herself, and it hit her.

She grabbed a pen and paper and started writing the lyrics for Moon and Sunrise. It surprised her that words just flowed right out of her and it really lifted up the gloomy feeling dawning on her. And as she wrote the last words, tears rolled down her cheeks and she started crying.

That was the thing that she lost along the way.

She has always been driving herself to achieve success that she forgot to succumb to her vulnerable self. That after all, she’s just a girl. That it was okay to be weak. That it was okay to be BoA.

Just BoA.

She was lucky that while she was feeling all these negativity, BoA was given a chance to go back to Korea and release her 4th Korean album. This would mean coming back home!

How she missed being home.


“Sunbaenim!” The boys greeted in unison as they crowded around the little giant.

“Yah! Give me some breathing space will you!” She exclaimed as she pushed her way out, yet, an evident smile was already on her face. She missed this.

“Hey guys, SM’s princess said to give her a breathing space… Shoo! Shoo!” The leader announced as a way of greeting.

“Yunho… Please shut up, BoA snapped rolling her eyes. The leader just shrugged his shoulders in response, used to her snarky retorts.

That’s pretty much how BoA spent the first day of her return in her home country. Not that she’s going to complain. Yunho wouldn’t allow even one second for her to start complaining.


BoA became busy preparing for her newest Korean album soon after. Compared to her life in Japan, she enjoyed working back home because she knew that despite her busy schedule, she’ll always get the chance to hang out with her fellow label mates. BoA had a lot of fun catching up with them. She anticipated each time she needed to go to the studio and record for “My Name”. Those were the times she get to be surrounded by people she loves. Even practices didn’t seem to be as tedious at all (even if it meant practicing together with Yunho for their special stage, who’s merciless when it comes to teasing her).

She was so happy to eat great food, hang out with friends and even the relentless scolding of her brothers was music to her ears. Those precious little things that made her feel more normal and not so far away.

For a moment, she forgot about her loneliness.

She was beginning to find her lost happiness that she failed to realize just how fast time flew by and tomorrow, she’s heading back to Japan.

Normally, after her schedule, BoA would either meet up with friends or go straight home and relax. This time, BoA stayed behind and sat quietly on the floor at the corner of the practice studio. She changed to her usual baggy clothes that felt most comfortable on her skin.

Like a habit of hers, she began playing with the ends of her shirt and even started humming a random tune to fill the empty room drowning in silence.

It wasn’t long when she heard some footsteps. It’s funny that even the sound of his feet against the floor was still so familiar to her. She didn’t need to lift up her head and greet the person next to her.

“It made sense when I first saw you depressed over stuff a few years back. Right now, I just can’t figure it out…”

He didn’t even ask if he could, he just straight away sat beside BoA, their shoulders brushing each other. The familiar air he brought gave her comfort and at once she felt herself able to express herself honestly.

“Yundol… I don’t think I want to go back to Japan,” she spilled, her voice squeaky.

It has always been difficult for her to communicate her thoughts with just anybody but around Yunho, she felt safe. She felt embarrassed at the same time but she’s confident Yunho would keep this delicate moment to himself. Anyway, her sadness was too intense that she couldn’t reign on her emotions anymore.

And she felt tired.

She felt exhausted pretending to be strong when she’s just as fragile as any girl her age.

Yunho caressed her cheek and she coiled at his touch, only for a brief moment because she knew she couldn’t keep abusing her friend’s kindness. Sensing this, Yunho pulled his hand and remained motionless beside her.

“Wanna make a bet?”

BoA turned her head to look at him. Another second and now, the two were face to face. The lights were dimmed but his eyes particularly twinkled at her. His brown hair looked so soft as he lazily brushed it off his face.

The contour of his face.

His lips…

BoA blinked and shook her head lightly.What was that just now? Recovering, she managed to choke some words out, “What do you propose?”

He smiled at her. He was glad he didn’t have to try every little trick up his sleeve to convince her, like last time. He stood up and helped BoA to her feet.

Since when did he grow up to be so tall? Now she had to lift her head if she wanted to look directly into his eyes. It’s going to be harder to bully him now.

“Watch me. We’ll also debut in Japan,” he announced with such determination in his rumbling voice. He licked his dry lips as his stares became more intense. “If we do, I promise to be always be by your side and I’ll never make you feel alone.”

A short silence spread between them.

“And what if you don’t..? What if you lose in this bet?”

Yunho bit his lip as he furrowed his brows, thinking. “Then I guess I’ll just have to work harder so that losing won’t even become a possibility.”

His eyes bore on her and she wouldn’t doubt the weight of his promise. A bet to her favor was just really spoiling her. She couldn’t understand how she even deserved his kindness.

BoA’s feature softened and her eyes expressed tenderness in them. She’s going to hold on to his words as she forced herself not to throw her arms around Yunho’s neck to show just how much he had lifted her spirits up (that didn’t seem appropriate in the situation anyway). How with such simple words, he completely erased all the doubts in her heart. The sudden warmth spread through her and the indescribable feeling was almost overwhelming.

She instead pushed him teasingly with a sheepish smile playing at the corner of her lips.

April 27,2005
TVXQ made their debut stage in Japan under AVEX label.


//Year 2009

“If you can finish drinking this bottle of beer before me, I’ll wear a woman’s tank top and snap a picture that you can use as your phone’s wallpaper,” he challenged. BoA’s face lit up and looked more determined to win against him despite all odds. What she would give for that mental image…

She toyed with the bottle of beer she was holding as she contemplated how she would use this chance to her advantage. Surely, she can win this bet this time. She’s not nearly as drunk as he was. This should be easy especially when Yunho’s eyes were already fluttering, a sign that he’s almost near his limit. Which was weird. Yunho never outdrinks her because of his sense of responsibility as an ‘oppa‘. But she decided not to dwell on that topic too much and brought her attention back to his early proposal.

They’ve been playing this game for a long, long time now that it has become a habit whenever an opportunity arises. (Usually those instances where it would surely pose such embarrassment for the loser.)

It wasn’t her favorite game to play though.

She always ends up losing against Yunho and performing a lot of ridiculous punishments for him such as wearing clothes upside down when going to practice, plastering a sign on her back that says ‘Insoles is my first love’ (that he himself have even prepared), draw whiskers on her actual face during photoshoots and even to the point of having her dress a high school student’s uniform in one of their company dinner parties!

The horror of each events that she was prepared to take with her to the grave, leaving no traces behind…

“Hmm… You must want something so desperately for you to be betting on some public humiliation,” she crooned, after a few minutes of musing to show that she was aware of his ulterior motives (if Yunho ever had one).

“That’s not true!” He shot back defensively, slurring the last word by just a bit.

“Don’t lie! After all, you’re still the one who tricked me into using your picture as my phone wallpaper for a month after losing to a bet! Everybody thought you were my boyfriend! Ugh!” She fumed while breathing heavily, turning her head away from him dramatically.

She wouldn’t forget it. It happened a little before her press conference to announce her US debut. She remembered that during that time, he told her multiple times not to overexert herself during practice. To take breaks and get a breather. She was just so stubborn to listen to him at the time.

“Fine, continue what you’re doing,” he snarled as Yunho crossed his arms over his chest, obviously upset.

“I’m good! Stop acting like a grandpa,” she snapped, rolling her eyes, while doing a lot of quicksteps. She was already panting so hard and she could feel her legs losing its strength. Still, she pushed herself further, acting on mere instincts after practicing her choreography over a hundred times that day.

“Oh really?” He retorted, raising an eyebrow. “Wanna make a bet?” BoA ignored him and continued dancing in front of the mirror. “If you survive tonight without hurting yourself, I’ll go ahead and shave my eyebrows,” he went on earning a small laugh from the little giant, who still chose to ignore him altogether. “But if you lose, you’re going to have my handsome face as your phone’s wallpaper background for a week… No, make that for a whole month!”

“Whatever Yundol, just leave. I’m busy.”

Already passed his limit, he grunted out of frustration as he stomped his feet towards the exit. He slammed the door so hard behind his back that it made her jerk from her place in shock.

BoA sighed, feeling a bit sorry for her best friend.

It was another two hours when she finally decided to end her practice session. She grabbed her bag and pulled out her tumbler. She took a huge gulp and finished her drink in no time. Still feeling a bit dehydrated, she decided to drop by the lounge before heading home.

Holding her bag in one hand and her cellphone at the other one, she proceeded for the the stairs. Maybe it was because of exhaustion or carelessness (probably both) but when she took her third step down, her foot took a misstep and she tumbled down the stairs helplessly, injuring her arm.

The loud thud echoed in the hallway and despite her wish to hold it in, BoA couldn’t help but let out a scream. The fall twisted her joint and she was writhing in pain. Her stuff sprawled on the floor as she cradled her arm protectively, hoping it would stop her physical suffering.

People who saw the incident dashed towards her side and helped her get to the nearest hospital right away.

It was another four days after the accident when Yunho appeared at her hospital door, his face drained of color and his lips pressed into a thin line. She noticed that he had his hands clenched tightly as well and all of a sudden, she just couldn’t look at him out of guilt.

He made his way towards her quietly, not speaking a single word.

“Yunho I’m sorry! I know I should’ve–” she blurted out only to be hushed when Yunho raised his hand.

“Where’s your phone?” He asked quietly but the sharpness in his voice wasn’t amiss. It also didn’t escape her attention how his eyes looked at her tersely.

“M-m-my phone?” She echoed in puzzlement, however. She slowly turned her head towards the bedside desk to address it’s confinements. “It’s inside the drawer…”

Without another word, Yunho walked towards the bedside desk and took out her phone from the first drawer. He examined it a little bit.

“Wow, this phone seems sturdier than your arm.”

BoA looked at him crossly, but he wasn’t paying attention to her right now, to see.

“I suppose you’re right. I broke my arm while my phone was left unscathed, thankyouverymuch.”

Yunho ignored her sarcasm as he was too busy figuring out BoA’s password. He typed in her birthday, her debut date both in Korea and Japan (yes, he knew both of them by heart), he even took his chance and typed in his birthday just out of frustration.



“You wanted to know my passcode, right?” she barked, wishing that this meeting would end soon. She wasn’t too happy about the fact that he seemed more interested with her phone rather than to ask about her pathetic condition after the accident. She fought hard not to yell at him and ask him to look at her. For him to show that he cares.

This wasn’t anything close to what she have imagined the next time they were going to see each other after the incident.

He merely shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded typing in the numbers that unlocked her phone. It felt strange that they both have the same code.

He then drove his attention back to her phone and started browsing her apps until he found what he was looking for.

“Why 2000? Not something as specific as your debut date or something,” he blurted out so suddenly, unable to keep his curiosity to himself.

When she didn’t answer, Yunho lifted his eyes to look at BoA’s direction. He watched her play with her hair as she tried to suppress a smile. She can’t believe such a simple question could changed her mood in a snap of a finger.

“It… It’s because something better happened that year besides that…”

“Yeah, like me entering the company as a trainee,” Yunho said without thinking, turning his attention back to her phone, in an attempt to hide his face before she read what was on his mind after the unintentional slip.

Just like her, that year was special to him because of a fateful meeting that happened.

He was desperate to hide his thoughts, that he wasn’t able to see BoA glance his way in surprise when he should’ve. She was beginning to feel suspicious and Yunho had to do something to divert her attention. She continued watching his every move with careful eyes. Her round orbs lingered on him however as he began to lift his arm, pointing the phone camera directly to his face.

You can’t be serious…

The clicking sound of snap shots went on for a whole minute. In that short span of time, Yunho probably took more than 30 pictures of himself in one go. He was pleased that he was successful at diverting her attention, when it was just getting too dangerous. But of course, she wouldn’t know about that.

BoA was instead left in utter shock as she further saw him browse through her camera roll, and then deliberately changing her phone settings.

“No way…”

“Yes, way…” He replied, taunting her mercilessly. At that point, Yunho was confident that he was successful giving BoA the wrong idea. He wanted to be more open given the chance, but it’s too risky. At least not now. “I believe somebody lost the bet and she’s just complying with her punishment.”

“Are you serious?” She heard herself mutter this time, in disbelief. “You’re thinking about that the whole time while I lay here helpless and in pain?!”

BoA felt herself shaking with anger. She at least expected him to show some sort of concern over her current state but for some reason, he came into her room adamant of her feelings. She could feel tears brimming at the corner of her eyes but she forced herself to hold it in. She won’t let him see this side of her.

The painful disappointment overruling her heart made her feel dizzy.

Without thinking, she bit her lower lip too hard that she could taste the metallic tinge of her own blood. BoA was too busy controlling her own emotions that when Yunho finally reached for her for a hug, it totally surprised her. She stiffened and her mind went blank. At this point, her arm should be aching from the sudden impact of their pressed bodies but she couldn’t feel anything but the warmth of his touch. She took a quick peek of him and saw how his eyes softened as he looked at her. The genuine concern that always resonated from his body was so clear.

“Silly… of course I’ve been thinking about you.”

Was she too blind not to see it before? Because a sudden realization just dawned on her after he said those words.

He may show it in different ways but this man will always, always be there for her. It was wrong to ever doubt him.

It’s interesting because she felt just as strongly when it comes to him. And the funny thing was that she knows, he knows…


Yunho’s eyes glistened and she was sure that just like her, he was also reminiscing the same memories from the past.

“It was a blessing in disguise that I was in the US that time when I had your stupid face as my wallpaper. Somehow that prevented me from having a scandal with you!”

Yunho smiled weakly at her statement then sighed. BoA was a little confused by his reactions and wondered if it was a response illicited to mean disappointment or merely a melancholic recollection of a playful memory.

And then a thousand thoughts entered her mind.

Of some, seemed so ridiculous for words and then some, an unspoken wish she kept hidden deep within her heart.

Toying with those ideas, she managed to steal a glance at him. She noticed how he looked strained as he finally forced a brighter smile. It was so painful to look at.

Maybe because she really can’t say no, and it was Yunho after all, but BoA tried to relax her shoulders and lean back on her seat in attempt to lighten the mood. She grabbed her beer bottle firmly in her grasp and showed him she was accepting the challenge he proposed earlier.

“The thing at stake is too tempting to have it slip by,” she continued and she swore she saw Yunho blinked his tears away in an effort to cover up a certain harrowing thought off his mind.

BoA tried not to think too much into it. Dismissing those ideas almost simultaneously, she instead lifted her arm, the beer bottle inches away from her mouth. She hoped that it would show him that she was ready to take on the bet when she unexpectedly heard him speak

“But if you lose,” he began, his voice now trembling slightly with every word, but with full seriousness that somehow stabbed her, “you need to promise me you will never leave my side…”

Of course BoA was puzzled at the unexpected request (not that it ever crossed her mind that she’s going to leave him behind and wasn’t this supposed to be a public humiliation at stake for this bet?) but above all, she was shocked to see tears freely falling down his cheeks. She knew he was holding it in but for him to show her such a vulnerable side of him made her feel heartbroken. She could only imagine the next words that would come out from his mouth.

They’re leaving —

Barely done with his explanation, BoA dropped the bottle of beer she was holding to the ground (having it crash into a hundred pieces at the same time), as she flung her arms across his neck into a tight embrace. She was afraid that it would come to this and she would’ve done anything and everything to stop it. But they both knew the situation was already out of hand… When she felt Yunho’s arm cling to her waist, she held him even closer. The both shaking from overwhelming feelings not even words can describe.

Yunho was completely devastated by the whole mess with his group’s impending disbandment for months now. BoA saw how he lived each day enduring the whole fiasco as if it’s not crippling him deep within. How he stood in front of people with a level head despite all the scary thoughts rampant in his mind. She wished to stop it and perhaps Yunho wished for her to be the answer to heal his pain.

In the end, she actually did for a reason.

He was very thankful that BoA would willingly lose a bet for his sake. It was a selfish act on his side, to have to trick her into doing this, but he was truly grateful for her kindness.

That somehow, she promised that unlike them, she will never ever leave his side. She will always be there.

That they’ll always be together.

And he’s not as broken.

December 31,2009
SM officially announced TVXQ’s disbandment.


//Year 2012

BoA’s gearing up for her Comeback Stage to unleash her new song “Only One“. It was a special song she has been working on for the past few months, that would eventually mark yet another milestone for her career. As a way of preparation, she also asked for Nappy Tabs’ help to specially choreograph the whole routine. Yunho heard that there’s going to be a couple dance and while BoA and her team have been in the talks as to who should be her special guest for her first stage, Yunho immediately volunteered for the task.

Touched and quite pleased with Yunho, the two proceeded to practice and have spent quite sometime together. Both of them have been busy with their own respective projects that admittedly, they weren’t able to hang out as much as they used to. That’s why they didn’t even bother to hide it. The happiness they both felt as they worked together, showed by the way they smiled and act around each other.

A couple of days more and finally, it was BoA’s comeback stage after two years of hiatus. As much as her fans have been anticipating for this day was Yunho supporting her in the background as well.

“You know, you’re not needed here until the very end of the recording, right?” BoA said, directing the question to Yunho who was seated at her side, as she was having her stylist fix her hair.

“And… that poses a problem for you?”

BoA scrunched her nose as she gave him a quick look to the side before returning her attention back to the mirror. “Not really. But wouldn’t this long wait be such a waste of your time?”

BoA stared at him through his reflection. He smiled by just a bit as he met her gaze indirectly. “It was never a waste of time to be with you.”

She felt her face grew hot. She hated it whenever Yunho said stuff that made her heart skip a beat, but at the same time, she anticipates for those moments.

“Oh shut up…”

As much as she hated it, Yunho loved seeing her look so flustered around him. Still, he was sincere when he said that. And he can only hope he was obvious enough for her to feel it…


It did take a while until the very last stage where Yunho was to join her for the couple dance. But he enjoyed just watching the whole recording from afar and all the enthusiastic fans who visited. He even found himself cheering for her. In fact, he was probably even more emotional than any of the audience because he saw her growth with his very eyes. He saw the struggles she went through before reaching this status.

He wouldn’t forget that day, when a tiny girl who shunned herself in the shadows of the iconic practice room of SM, because she thought she would never be good enough. It’s amazing how life does give you the most unexpected surprises because as he looked at the young lady on stage right now, nobody would even know she had such a past. In a way, that made him feel just a tiny bit more privileged than the others.

Performing “Only One” was the last presentation for the day. The two obviously showed their chemistry as they synchronized their movements together —  moving as if they’re one. He was glad he got to dance alongside her. It was different from his other stages because, he was doing it for her and not just anybody else.

As for BoA, everything that happened during the event would definitely be a special memory she would carry with her for another 10 years to come, or even until eternity, who knows.

And so, after the show, BoA walked on the platform as she watched the last of the audience ushered outside the venue (some where still waving at her frantically). She saw all the yellow balloons and light sticks that were sprawled on the floor. Her eyes caught a glimpse of a few sunflowers on the ground. Smiling, she walked towards them and picked a single stalk to hold close near her heart.


BoA jumped when she suddenly heard his voice. Yunho joined her on the stage and gestured for her to sit down beside him. They let a few minutes to stretch in silence. In those quiet moments, Yunho noticed how she marveled over the flower in her hands. His longing eyes reflected a tender feeling, BoA was too oblivious to see.

But it didn’t matter.


Or maybe it did.


Because right now, he wished for nothing else but an acknowledgement.

“BoA, I think I love you.”

A sudden chill run down her spine and she was sure she almost choked out of nothing. The shock from those simple words depleted her thought process by a few second.

“Yunho, that’s silly,” she replied, not sure if it was exactly what she wanted to say at the very moment. She could finally feel her heartbeat racing and there was a subtle tug that wanted for her to retract her reply.

“Why would you think that?” he asked, genuinely curious.

BoA thought for a moment. She wasn’t prepared for this kind of confrontation, yet, she knew she couldn’t avoid it either. She forced her brain to work but under such pressure, she can’t expect herself to really give out a good answer to argue that.

“Because we’re best friends,” she finally answered. BoA can’t believe how lame that excuse was, until she heard herself say it.

“BoA, best friends can fall in love. I love you.”

He wanted to tell her more about his feelings. How much he had wanted her. How everything had began. But truthfully, he didn’t even know where to start. He wasn’t even sure how everything came to be but one day, he just woke up and he was sure that he wanted her to be part of his forever.

Falling in love with her was beyond his control. As much as he wanted to suppress it, he couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

“But… I don’t think –”

“There should be no but’s, BoA. You are old enough to decide for yourself but if you are still not sure about your feelings, why don’t we leave it again in the hands of fate?” BoA looked at his serene face and was almost convinced he had the answers. She sat there, awaiting for him. “Why don’t we make a bet?”

BoA rolled her eyes in disbelief, when he finally heard him unravel the solution to her problem. “Really Yunho..? That’s everything you can come up with?”

Yunho just returned a smirk. “We’ll play the popular ‘love me and love me not‘ flower game,” he started, ignoring her. He picked the sunflower she was holding and held it in front of her for display. “You know how it works, right?”

The young woman bit her lip. Of course she knew about this silly game. Who wouldn’t? “I’m not sure about this…”

“Stop thinking too hard into things and just go with the flow,” he shrugged. BoA was supposed to say some more but he shushed her quite immediately. “How fitting though,” he mused, “that we’re even going to use our favorite flower for this game that will determine everything between us.” He paused for a little while to check if he still has BoA’s attention on him and then continued explaining the rest of his proposal to her. “Anyway, if this game of chance is in favor of you, then, well… That just sucks. But that won’t stop me from making sure that you fall in love with me.” BoA’s eyes widened at this bold statement. Her mouth hanged open. It had become impossible for her to say anything in the most dangerous game she’s ever going to play with him. “But if it is the other way around,” he paused so he could face her and hold her gaze, “you are going to be my girlfriend without questions.”

She wasn’t even given the chance to protest. And more often than not, she always have a say about things. Then she thought, maybe she needed this little push so she can be a little more honest with herself. Maybe it’s time to leave it to fate and not enclose herself with stiff logic.

Yunho smiled at her one last time before he started plucking each of the petals off the flower, chanting the magical words. He did it painfully slow as well. His words sliding between each other that captured her full attention. She honestly wanted to go ahead and do it herself. To end the agonizing anticipation. She didn’t know why but she needed to know.

Aside from his voice, everything else was still and quiet. A few more petals left and they will finally determine the outcome of this bet, when Yunho shifted his gaze back to BoA.

“I hope you’re aware that no matter what the end result of this, my feelings for you won’t change, right?”

“I-I know…” she mumbled softly in agreement, because she secretly wished, deep down, that he doesn’t take back his words either. To stay faithful to that promise.

She loves me… She loves me not.” he continued, his voice echoing slightly in the empty room. It truly feels that they were the only ones that existed in that moment. The awareness that they have for each other was almost palpable. “She loves me…” He lifted his eyes and watched BoA witness how their destiny would will this little game to decide their future together. “She loves me not.

Just a few more moments until they come up with an answer. Her heartbeat slamming against her ribcage unable to control the surging feelings that she couldn’t hide anymore. It was stupid that they had to resort to this when the two were obviously aware about their real feelings for each another since a long time ago. They were just too afraid to confront it because of several uncertainties.

She loves me…

Right now, they are too old to be trapped by those kind of thinking.

She loves me not.

There’s nothing to be afraid anymore.

“She loves me…”

If it meant being together.

She loves me not.

And just like that, she snapped. BoA grabbed Yunho’s hand in an abrupt hold, her grip almost stunting his blood flow. She furrowed her brows, and tried hart to steady her erratic feelings. The both of them saw how the turn of events escalated to how they wanted it to be. And it was definitely an answer they were both been waiting for.

“I swear to God, I am never gonna play this game with you anymore,” she breathed but the tinge of relief was still audible in her words. “Never again…

Yunho’s lips lifted up into a knowing smile and understanding. He held the flower in front of her, plucking the last of it’s petals. He threw it in the air and it fleeted away gracefully until it touched the ground into a quiet stillness.

It was amazing how fate was even on their side.



Yunho’s hand grazed BoA’s cheek lovingly, warmth emanating from both their bodies, as they both sighed the final words that they’ve waited too long to say.



I love you…



– – –

This thing is freakin’ 7k+ long.

There is no way in hell anybody would have the time and patience to read this (heck, I didn’t even enjoy reading it in one go) so I am going to post this on AFF as a chaptered series. HAHA!!! And also that way, I get to express my feels every time jumps.

TBH, whe I learned Yunho likes Sunflowers as well, It finally gave me a reason to finish this story :3 That’s also BoA’s favorite flowers… I swear to god they are meant to be! HAHA!

Oh well, towel. Too tired to ramble some more. Byeeeee!

story and image (c) lexie-chan || eyes2blues

10 Responses to “Never Again”

  1. I read it all and I LOVED it so much!!! Really, thank you for writing!! I think this is the best YunBoA fanfic I’ve read so far!!! When You’ll post it on AFF I’ll make sure to suscribe and I’ll read it again because it was so awesome!!! Thank you again for writing such an awesome story!!!

    • Oh man, Ali… You give me feels! Like you are too kind ad I don’t feel I deserve the flattery you credit me for… But I’m still very grateful that you liked it :3 It means a lot when people leave me these kinds of messages. Wee~

      I hope I don’t disappoint the next time I write another story! And I’ll be posting this up on AFF as well ❤

      • This was really a great story and you deserve every single word I said! Hope you’ll write other YunBoA Fanfics in future, and I’m sure you won’t disappoint anyone 🙂

    • Yes Yes! Of course I am going to write more YunBoA stories! That’s what I love for ❤

      Thanks again for the support! I really am grateful for that and I do wish I won't disappoint! Anticipate more of my stories! Aja Aja!

  2. whooa! what a pleasure to find out this fanfic T__T
    I love it so much, really! finally my OTP ;; oh my I just don’t know how to show this happiness! ;;
    thank you for writing a YunBoa/BoYun *or whatever it called* fanfic
    awesomeee! 🙂

  3. I read it all!! And enjoyed it soo much! Thank you for writing this one!! :’))

  4. YOU.

    • HAHA!!! Kimmy!!! As always, thanks for always dropping by and commenting! HAHA!!! I will try and write more YunBoA in the future coz they make my life complete… HAHA!!!! Thanks again!

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