Posts Tagged ‘love’

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Quality Time.

In Life,Personal on July 14, 2019 by lexie-chan Tagged: , , , ,

It’ll be three and a half years now since R and I became a couple.

And I don’t know why, but I still feel awkward around him sometimes. I’m just not the affection type of person so any display of loving gestures just freaks me out. It feels unnatural.

And today, I especially felt guilty for being the way I am.

So he just dropped me home and we hang out in my room and instead of talking to him more directly, I just stayed on my ipad and played my game. I was so focus on it and just replied some insincere words when he’s trying to tell or show me something. And then he suddenly said, ‘You know I’m still here, right?’

And that’s when it kinda broke my heart.

Ugh.

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why I’m still so hesitant showing my feelings more openly. I can’t even utter loving words to him. I’m just so insufferable sometimes. A lot of times, I feel that R doesn’t deserve me but then if he leaves me, I’m sure that I’ll be super devastated.

I only take and take and is so stingy giving some sort of affirmation of love towards him.

I can only hope that he doesn’t get tired of me coz of it’s any other person, they’ll break up with me right away.

So I am making a promise to myself right now that when I see R, I’ll be more present in our times together. He should be my focus because I plan to spend my whole life with him and wouldn’t want to mess it up.

Ugh. I really need to change my indifferent personality if I want to be fair with him.

I HAVE TO.