Dead Wrong

 

 
I knew then, that the first time I ever laid my eyes on her, I loved her.

 

 

 

I couldn’t suppress my excitement. It was my first day at the company and I was looking forward to all the good things I’ll experience from that point onward. Remembering back, I looked so lanky, a bit out of place, but I knew my burning determination to succeed in the field was very clear in my eyes. I wanted to do it for myself.

For my dream.

Who would have thought that everything I planned for myself would dissolve to nothing when I saw her for the very first time.

She was like an angel. Beautiful and pure. Graceful but strong. She mirrored the same determination I have for myself.

She captivated me.

‘You like her? BoA?’ A skinny guy by the name of Eunhyuk mumbled to my ear and then giggled.

So her name’s BoA. Even her name has a certain ring to it. ‘Shut up. Stop making up stories.’

He giggled even louder this time. ‘Of course. Anyway, she’s debuting very soon. She won’t remember you.’

He was right. We may have been accepted into the company but debuting was a different story. It made me quite sad because I didn’t want my first love to end like this.

Good thing my mind focused on a more realistic goal. For throughout my training years, I worked hard to perfect my craft, hoping that my tenacity would one day be recognized. Of course my feelings for her didn’t waver. In fact, it only became stronger as I watched her from afar. Dominating both Korea and Japan, making a name for herself, in all of Asia…

She was a force to be reckoned and I can’t help but really get drawn to her. That’s why I felt so blessed and fortunate when one day, they announced that I’ll be debuting as a member of Dong Bang Shin Ki along with my other four peers.

My hard work paid off.

Soon, I’ll be right there behind her!

 

Only, I never realized how hard it was to be an idol — loved and scrutinized by the same people you cherish the most. It’s difficult to explain how exhausting it was physically, mentally and emotionally… So I kept on wondering how? How was she able to manage the pressure? A little girl — alone — by herself. I can’t even imagine how she spends her time at night, with no one else to at least talk with.

It’s hard for me, too. But at least I have my friends but BoA? She has always been on her own.

 

One day, unexpectedly, she told me all about it.

It was an unusual gesture from her but we just debuted in Japan and because she’s a close friend of Jaejoong and Yoochun, all of us got together for a small celebration.

It was really late already and the four others have been asleep at the couch for a while now, yet, the little giant (a name I often calls her by now) was still at the table, still playing with her beer bottle.

‘You guys are very lucky,’ she moaned so suddenly with a bitter smile. She took a gulp of her drink and rested her chin on her palm. Her gaze was intense that I had to look away.

I didn’t feel worthy.

A short silence hanged in the air until I couldn’t take it anymore. ‘How did you do it? Weren’t you scared? Lonely?’

My words came tumbling over without me realizing how intrusive they sounded.

I was in no way in the position to ask her any question and there I was asking her to bare her soul to me.

How did I even end up alone with her?

I don’t know.

I just didn’t want her to feel like she was abandoned. It hurts. It hurts to see her on top — but alone.

‘I honestly don’t remember. Everything’s a blur now,’ I heard her say to my surprise. She allowed me to peer into her soul.

‘Well, I’m here now.’

I couldn’t stop my words from spilling. I’m usually cautious around BoA but it just felt so right to say it to her in that moment. Because her eyes seemed like she was yearning for someone to make her feel that she’s not alone anymore.

And I wanted to be that person for her.

‘I hope you weren’t kidding when you said that coz I’m quite clingy.’

She smiled. She smiled with that warm glow on her face and in the silence of the moment, I knew that it wasn’t a mistake to reach out. Because she allowed me into her barrier.

I’m one step closer.

 

Or so I thought.

 

To say that we can ever be more than friends was just me being delusional, really. We’ve never tiptoed the idea. And I honestly don’t think we ever will.

From that first night she bared her soul, we’ve become much closer. It’s true. But then, we still have to live our separate lives. And both of us were too busy running towards our goals.

We were unaware that there was a growing distance between us. That as the days went by, my promise from that night have slowly been forgotten.

 

 

 

But I was soaring.

Reaching goals I never thought I’d ever achieve when I decided to take on this path.

And she was, too.

Both of us were too focused. So focused that we lost our way.

She wasn’t prepared for the decline of her popularity when she ventured into the US and I didn’t realize that my group was falling apart in the shadows.

All of a sudden, nothing made sense. And I wasn’t too sure if I’ll ever recover from this blow or if I can even face her again.

I promised her a lot of things but I couldn’t even be with her in her most vulnerable time to be a support because I myself was crumbling inside.

How can she even consider a man like me?

Pathetic. Weak.

But for some reason, our fate was stirred together again.

 

2010. A beginning of a new chapter of our lives.

 

 

 

‘You think blonde suits me?’

I lifted my gaze and saw BoA running her fingers through her hair. It was indeed a different look. She looked bold with a good mix of delicacy and attitude. To be honest, she looks good with anything.

‘That’s brave of you to venture a drastic change with your new hair style,’ I commented instead.

She frowned and then turned her back on me to walk away. I smiled and caught her hand, pulling just enough so I could whisper to her ear.

‘You’re beautiful.’

‘Ah!’ Sooyoung and Hyoyeon both yelped from the door before she can say anything.

‘What’s with your faces?’

‘Did we disrupt the moment?’ Sooyoung asked carefully but with an obviously glint in her eyes.

‘A moment with this guy?’ BoA scoffed, suppressing a bubbling laughter from her lips. She threw me a strange look but I just shrugged my shoulders coz really, what moment?

It’s not like we’re in that phase where we can say we’re lovers just because our friendship have upgraded. It doesn’t mean that because we spend more time together by ourselves and that we talk more frequently meant we were cultivating our love story because no. It was far from that.

In fact, she started dating this guy for a few months already so if I’ll be completely blunt about it, I’m seriously out of the picture.

But it’s okay.

Because as I’ve said, our friendship have evolved and it’s enough for me. I don’t think she’ll ever look at me that way, anyway.

It’s just… It doesn’t work that way.

‘I was just visiting to support the little giant’s big comeback,’ I explained but the two unexpected guest weren’t convinced.

And I don’t know why but for some reason, the very thought was comforting.

 
So for a couple more years, we’ve had a pretty steady relationship as we continued to live our separate lives. The horrible nightmare from our group’s disbandment was now way behind me. It’s been three years and Changmin and I were both busy promoting as a duo and taking on individual projects. Heck, I’m even doing acting these days. It was a busy time but despite that, keeping in touch with BoA has always been consistent and in the past years that we’ve been talking with each other, we’ve definitely become the best of friends.

We’re bestfriends.

 

 

‘So… What do you think?’ She asked casually, eyeing me for a brief second before drinking her beer.

It was a lazy summer day and both of us decided to take a day off to watch some dramas at her place. (Her idea of course because she’s unstoppable and as if I have any other choice).

I picked up my beer and took a big gulp before turning to my right to lean forward her way. That way, I can look her in the eyes.

I was about to answer when she screamed at this certain scene playing. Now distracted, I turned to look at the television and saw a cringe worthy kissing scene that made the little giant blush.

‘What’s wrong with you?’

‘What do you mean what’s wrong with me?’

‘About you reacting to that scene so passionately. That was soooo cheesy!’

‘Says the cheesiest man I know,’ she retorted back as she kicked me. Luckily, her leg was too short that she barely touched my thigh.

(I dare not say anything.)

‘I’m not cheesy!’ I returned back defensively, but quite amused how she just started throwing it out there.

Maybe she does pay attention whenever I tell her about my (failed) relationships. I know I get too carried away when I tell her all about it but she always seemed nonchalant about it. She never pried but because we’ve been accustomed with each other, it was almost so natural to just talk about anything and everything under the sun. (Would you believe she even told me about her first time and God knows how much I wanted to punch a wall at the time. Even more so because she only opened up so I can start talking about my own sex life with her! I’ve realized then how much we’ve grown in the last decade.)

‘Oh really now…’ She hummed with a mischievous look in her eyes. ‘Weren’t you the same person who freakin’ bought a couple outfit for that girlfriend of yours?’ I covered my ears and shut my eyes. I hate it when she uses this underhanded attack to make me shut up. ‘Heck, you even brought me with you to buy those clothes and do you remember how badly that ended?’

‘Shut up BboA!’

‘She told you she couldn’t bring herself to wear it to match yours! Because it was childish! Cheesy!’ BoA was now gagging, holding her stomach from her outburst. She was clearly enjoying this.

‘But then you wore it to match mine!’ I snapped back completely silencing her this time.

Her face looked white, unsuspecting of my retort because I’ve never used this jab on her before. I bet she even forgot all about it when it’s one of my fondest memory.

‘B-but you were so sad that time and I didn’t want you to just throw it away and sulk all day!’ She followed suit, sounding very defensive. I can tell that she was still quite taken aback seeing her flustered face and reddening cheeks.

‘Don’t we look good together?’ I ventured not exactly talking about the past anymore.

BoA glanced my way and I made sure to hold her gaze evenly. I could almost feel the tension in the air, and the silence too deafening to keep it. It was uncomfortable and I know I only have myself to blame for that.

Still, I regret nothing.

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Exactly that.’

I was aware that I was tiptoeing a dangerous ground and I wasn’t exactly sure if I was prepared to really stir our relationship this way but it’s been years…

I tried to suppress my feelings and dated other girls. I also busied myself with work so I can get my mind off her. I’ve survived torturous times when I couldn’t talk to her weather willingly or not but at the end of the day, I always find myself going back to her.

Because I love her.

I swear, if I still don’t do anything about my feelings now, I know I will never be completely at ease with myself. Forever missing my chance.

Who cares if she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings? At least I was able to convey my feeling and anyway, I know we’ll always be friends so might as well risk it now than beat myself for it in the end.

BoA sighed, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. ‘Then I guess you’re in luck.’ She must’ve seen my puzzled look that she started giggling. ‘I guess we do look good together so what do you think about dancing with me for my comeback in July?’

‘BoA… I’m not just talking about that…’ I replied with an exasperated tone (although I’d gladly do it for her, no questions asked). It’s just that, I didn’t want a simple misunderstanding to ruin things between us.

She shook her head. ‘I wasn’t just talking about that either.’ She smiled as she inched closer to my side. ‘I want you to be more than just a dance partner, Yunho.’

I didn’t have enough time to process everything in my mind.

All I know was, as soon as those words came out her lips, a new chapter had just opened for the both of us.

 

 

And as if I was still a young boy meeting her for the first time, I never thought that BoA would look at me the same way I look at her. It didn’t seem possible at first given our complicated circumstances and all the hurdles we had to go through to reach this point in our lives but I was dead wrong.

Because someday — today — our miracle blossomed.

Right now, in front of me holding my hand, is the girl of my dreams. And as she smiled again, leaning forward for a kiss, all my doubts were finally washed away.

Because I love her. And she loves me, too.

 
END.

 

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I swear to God, I have more one shot fics than you think. I’m not being lazy and got out of the loop of fanfiction. It’s just that… My laptop’s dead and I can’t make any new graphics. And you know (unless you’re not paying attention), I like posting new stories with a new YunBoA artwork. Heck, I had to use my work’s laptop discreetly if only to make this simple graphic so I can post this already!!! LOL!

But I’m glad coz I don’t feel good not posting anything new for a long, looooonnnggg time.

In any case, I used the same writing theme as I did with Hyoyeon’s Musing. I hope you like it!

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image and story (c) lexie-chan || eyes2blues

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100 Themes Challenge Writing Prompts: Dead Wrong